DATE: April 30-May 2, 2010
LOCATION: Atwood Lake Resort & Conference Center
DEFENDING CHAMPIONS: Aggers, Smith, N.C. Calley, Rosenfield
Dear Duffers:
Teams will be announced April 1-------------No fooling! As expected, there have been a rash of applicants. But in the end, 13 teams will be painstakingly picked by The Committee to unseat the unworthy champions of 2009.
As The Committee mentioned in the last communiqué (posted) we have far more applicants than the 56 necessary to field these teams. Therefore, ALL MONEY MUST BE RECEIVED BY APRIL 1, 2010. We have plenty of duffers in the bullpen ready to make their reputation, if given the chance.
Lastly, in keeping with the Atwood XL theme of remembering great moments in Atwood History. Here are the Top 10 uses of the “F word” at Atwood. Realizing that this list started with about a million possibilities, you may have your own favorites and you should add them in the comment section.
Top Ten times the F-words was used at Atwood:
10th – “Who said you were an f***ing A?” – Smitty’s to his playing partner – who else Sheets.
9th - "Then get the f*** out of here!" – Ference negotiating Peace with the Atwood Security Officer during the Unabomber incident.
8th - "Where the f*** am I?" Ference lost in the Lodge after mistaking his room door for the bathroom while trying to take a midnight piss.
7th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" – Kubi after being hit with a bucket of water from the Cabin Roof.
6th - "You f***ing killed what on the way to Atwood?" – Grillers when T Sheets plopped two legs of something on the Grill.
5th- "I need two more f***ing stitches!” Rudy’s at the hospital after unsuccessfully eating a glass. (His partner had 17 stitches in the betting pool).
4th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" – The River Crew eating breakfast with the Captain. (It was so much more than dancing.).
3rd - "Where did all this f***ing Barf come from?" - House keeping cleaning Super Dave’s room.
2nd - "What the f*** was that?" – Atwood Security when Kibs jumped out of the Happy Van wearing a sequin jock strap and a royal blue and red wig.
And .......................... drum roll...
The number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ...."Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is going to find out?" – Stealth
Insincerely,
X
The Committee
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113 comments:
"How in the f*** did you work that out?" – The Gallery after the course management agreed to allow carts to view the playoffs.
Still not Smitty
Does he think he's Peter f***ing Pan? Gusky after Sheet’s unseccessful attempt to dive across the table.
You f***ing suck? Beck as he rips the microphone from the unknown lounge singer.
Look at her ass, it looks like two f***ing squirrels fighting over an apple. P Burke watching Ruby in the Red Dress dancing.
What in the f*** did you give Sheets?
Bogash - The sh*t that killed Elvis!
Where do we f***ing tee off?
Most Duffers after listening
(or NOT) to Sheets' explanation of the Shot Gun Start assignments.
I thought this was an f***ing golf tournament?
Patterson - seeing his D partner Shaky drive up in a skin tight Super Man outfit.(A stomach with legs)
Where did you get the f***ing torch? Kubi asking Kibs after he brought in a flaming torch naked to
start the Atwood Olympic Open. (Eat your heart out Dream).
Kibs responds - it was your shirt!
The Atwood Pistorian
Custy-------"How many f*****beers do you drink in 9 holes?
Ox-----------"How many did I buy?
Custy----------12
Ox----------11--don't drink so many f****beers next time-----I was one short.
The Atwood Pistorian
Where in the f*** is everybody?
Jordon sitting in the Lodge parking lot.
Scary for a Doctor without Boarders? Hey, where in the f*** are my patients?
Maybe a Double D you C Jeff
No one told me this was a f***ing two day event! Captain Saturday morning bleeding out of his eyes and a**.
Can't we do this tournament/weekend without having to f***ing golf.
Every "D" but especially Super Dave
Why can’t we use his f***ing
karaoke equipment? Ference as they carry the disjockey out on a
stretcher.
Not Zorn Mylickadick
I’m going to kick the f***ing Bride’s a*s!
Nick the D you C
Who in the f*** is Stealth?
OX
My favorite Atwood F bomb …..
“Who the Fu_ _ is this F’ing Stealth guy everybody talks about? I have never seen the guy. He probably doesn’t even exist."
Ox
Burke and Waitkus in a Gallery cart on Cardiac….
Burke: “holy fu _ _; that ball is coming right at us”
Waitkus “oh Fu _ _!"
Burke dives overboard, Waitkus rolls and ducks….Thwack……
Burke “where the fuck did it hit?
Waitkus ‘you won’t f’ing believe this, ……..”
Signed
Not “ I Once caught a golf ball between my ass and the cart seat”
I need an f***ing Committee ruling. Sharbs - if I hit Waitkus’s balls while trying to hit my ball from under his a*s, does it count as one or three stokes?
Poon's most shocking F bomb
Holy F_ _ _! “Jerry” is not a nick name
Several Atwood regulars were recently stunned to learn that Sheets real name is actually “Jerry”. “Holy Fuck” stated pope Poon; “I really thought Jerry was just a nick name. I always figured his real name was ‘That Fuckin Sheets’. That’s usually all you hear people call him. I thought ‘Jerry” was just another of his old Atwood nick names from back in the seventies or some god forsaken decade. I feel bad; I’ll have to start calling him T.F. from now on. How old is that guy? “
Not T.F. Sheets
Clarification! The White House just issued the following Press Release:
Vice President Joe Biden’s statement “This is a big f***ing Deal!” was his response to hearing about the XL Anniversary of the Atwood Open not the Health Care Bill.
Obamalama Ding Dong
Why the F*** do so many assholes keep coming back to Atwood year after year???????
The team picking sub-committee of The Committee
Kaiser Sosze-Chairperson
Kaiser Sosze would like to know, how many DC guys, Ference youth and GenXers will be playing in the Thursday Pro Am ? TF Sheets will be there to adjust handicaps
No one has ever seen Kaiser Sose. Just like no one has ever seen TF Sheets make a clutch shot for at least a decade. gulp
I know its one of those fucking River guys who started all this F'ing "That F'ing Sheets" stuff.
I just f'ing know it, I'm tellin ya it was them. Really
Definitely T.F.Sheets
I'm very disappointed in TF Sheets recent rant. It's one thing for the "great unwashed" of Rocky River to use the F word but quite another for a Legend, A Committee laison to use it. May God have mercy on his fractured soul.
Pope Poon
"Oh god, That's just F***ing wrong; it’s just not right. "
as they all recoiled in horror at the first appearance of the fuzzy deformity that is the frightening Hillary "Dreamgina".
TF Sheets was heard screaming, “I’d like to have me some of that, get over here Dream!!”
Not an OB/GYN
Someone f***ing explain this to me? Almost every comment on the blog is about TF Sheets and I’m the one getting Black Balled?
Most likely Dave Kocsis
PS - Has any Committee liaison ever been impeached?
Dear Most likely Kocsis,
Apparently you haven’t read the fine print in your Atwood Manual, “If you have any suggestions or complaints don’t f***ing come!” Oh, that’s right you're not. Plus, in the words of Kubi’s favorite President Tricky Mustard Dick - “The Committee is above the Law!”
TF Committee
Dear Most Likely Kocsis and/or TF Sheets------------Cut the Drama already-------There's no crying/women at Atwood.
Oscar
Correction: Except the hotty
Dreamgina!
The Kibler Youth
Dear Pope Pooon,Shinola,Midnight Grabber, Oscar, Not Smitty,and all other Commiittee wannabees.
This is the Real T.F. Sheets.
Point #1 Only about 93% of your observations regarding my "life" are accurate. For example - I have only tried to put the moves on one of Burke's daughter. Point #2 None of the Kocsis comments are mine. Remember ..indifference - not hate. Point #3 -TF is NOT a liaison (correct spelling,Pope Poon). TF is not a go between to the masses from the Committee. He is a part of the triumver that rules. (Kubi is a figurehead. Like "Look, how do figure he got that head?)Understand,I am one who knows a lot about head. Point #4.River rats. Don't be flattered that I
have visited on several Mondays. I am not there to see you whose football team has straight teeth , but a crooked offensive line. It is about getting away from people in Hudson. Point # 5, and the last and most important. Remember,DOC has final say on cuisine. DOA has final say on orgainization (off the course) and the DOG has final say on teams. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, might have said the "C" is mightier than the "B" - if he had seen how teams are determined.
TF/JR/Thurm/Shep/Shit/Jerry
Police: Man tried to revive dead possum; alcohol involved
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Friday, March 26, 2010
Police said a man will be charged with public drunkenness after several witnesses saw him attempting to resuscitate a road-killed opossum.
State police said they charged T.F. Sheets, 65, of Hudson Ohio, after they arrived at the scene on Route 36 in Delroy Township around 3 p.m. Thursday.
A news release from police does not state how he was trying to revive the opossum. An unidentified source within the department said, “You’ve heard of ‘screwing the pooch’; well use your imagination”
The opossum could not be reached for comment.
TF Sheets was overheard screaming that “the beaver wanted it bad, I’m telling ya”.
Woody the dead Chuck
Lets get the facts about Woody the Dead Wood Chuck story straight, I'm not 65.
TF/JR/Thurm/Shep/Shit/Jerry
TF/JR/Thurm/Shep/Shit/Jerry,
You forgot A_ _hole! It really hurt not to be mention in your rant. Dream even put his clothes on.
The Forgotten Kibler Youth
Does somebody (TF) have way too much time on their hands or what?
Get a wife, I mean a life, or an opossum.
Kaiser Sosze
The National Esquire reported today that TF Sheets was involved in the following: The Sinking of the Titanic, the Lindberg Baby kidnapping, the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa and a possible connection in the Anthony Sowell mass murders. When asked to comment, TF responded in his raspy 65 yr. old voice with " I did not have sexual relations with that opossum.----------Dick F***
I need a little help from you veteran duffers. What was the real name of the GenXer who won three Atwood Open Championships nick-named A. Pathy?
The Atwood Pistorian
Dear Atwood Pistorian,
I really don't care what you call the GenXer who won three Atwood Opens, but I believe it was Guarantee (Garyn T.) another victory this year - as long as you don't give me T.F. as my "B". (Who is really a "C-").
Signed,
Blood Is Not Thicker Than Water
The Committee has asked me to intervene. It’s apparent that TF Sheets craves the attention he is getting in these comments. In order to break him from this needy attention seeking behavior, everyone needs to refrain for 24 hours from posting TF Sheets comments. Be careful, I expect a narcissist like TF to post his own comments just to stimulate himself. If you respond to his comments it only encourages him. His comments should stand out as poorly written rambling rants. They will sound just like how he describes the rules for the shotgun start…..incoherent.
Show some love for the Kibler youth; they feel neglected.
Probably Not really Dr Phil
Probably Not really Dr Phil
If this isn’t the real Dr Phil, it must be the ghost of Phil Ginebaugh?
In the 39 years of Atwood there has been only one physical fight. The two combatants were Phil Ginebaugh and GUESS WHO!
Dr. Phil, I didn't use GUESS WHO's name.
The Ghost of Atwood Past
I can see it now-------After I watch my soaps today, I will be forced to watch Oprah with her special guest------TF Sheets. The theme of the show " How I live with myself, 65 and few(no) friends"
Monday Night Crew
Atwood Drinking Quotes :
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. – King Dick
He was a wise man who invented beer. Jim Purdy
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Pope Poon
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Smitty
I drink to make other people interesting. – Chris Ference
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. – Super Dave
The Atwood Pistorian
While watching the NCAA Tournament games I almost came out of my chair noticing West Virginia MetroEers coach Bob Huggins was sporting a Relax Fit Sweat Suit from the Atwood Open Golf Clothing Line design by Lance Ference.
On second thought – where in West Virginia can you buy a suit? Captain maybe you should contact Coach Calipari – you know the old adage Dress for Success! How bout dem Eers!
Maybe Snack Boy, Maybe Blanche
You gotta love those Ears------where else in the country do the fans start tailgating on Tuesday or the day the black lung checks come in, for a Saturday game. OR where the fans drive their "homes" to the game!
Maybe Butler, Duke or Michigan St.
It’s disappointing that we won’t get to see the Captain and Ruby do the John Wall Dance. But maybe they will show us the John Wall Waltz – as in - Waltzing out of the NCAA Tournament and Kentucky!
THE DISH no maybes about it
Just met a guy from West Virginia who had to pay 50 bucks for a blood test before he could get a marriage license, to make sure he and his fiancé are not related.
How bout them Eers!
Rumor has it, that's why Blanche moved to Ohio.
Only SNACK BOY KNOWS
What a relief to read a couple of comments without even a mention of ??????
When are the Teams coming out already?
Unloved "D's"
PS Blanche moved to Ohio way before DNA testing and way way before the Catholic Church issues--------Just saying
An Atwood Poem
At Atwood I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away,
I ask myself, "who's that?"
By
I think I’m Kubi
I think I’m Kubi
Ask the D Zen Master:
Kid Dick: Where did golf get the term 'mulligan'?
The D Zen Master: It is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.'
Rudy
Ask the D Zen Master:
Big White: What does the term "Gimme" mean?
ZM: A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can putt very well.
Rudy
A Committee member was in Indianapolis this week when he ran in to an "Ears" fan. Being that it was the Final Four, a conversation ensued. Turns out the man from Morgantown (Bob Wheeler) was an officinado of WVU sports and Morgantown HS sports, He was a great admirer of our very own "snack boy" Ben Werner. When asked about Paul Carte, he replied with distain "Never heard of him"
The Committee
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